Looking To Change

One of my biggest goals for this year is to feel like I'm improving myself. Surprisingly I've been doing a good amount to do so. I started taking more responsibility at work, traveling, and even working out. The issue that I run into though is consistency. There have been opportunities that I should have jumped on that I sat on because of fear. Trips that could have happened, but my money was managed poorly. With both of those things there are other factors that can contribute to me not pushing for them more as well, but what bothers me is that working out is entirely up to me. Even as I'm writing this I know that the 15 minutes it takes could be used to be more physically productive. Scheduling is, and always has been, one of my greatest weaknesses. Slowly I'm getting a little better at it, and I'm hoping that by finding a job with more of a set schedule that I can work around the rest of my life as well. Something that I feel has been encouraging me to improve myself are the podcasts that I have found recently. Dax Shepard and Michael Rosenbaum both started new podcasts over the last year and are so honest about their lives and feelings. They are promoting healthy conversation about mental health and it has inspired me to keep working on myself. The conversations from actors and other people in the media has been slowly turning around recently. This is something we greatly need. As a nation and world, suicide rates are growing rapidly and something needs to be done to not only improve everyone's day to day, but honestly save lives. Some nobody from Minnesota writing about mental health honestly isn't going to get a lot of attention, but even if I don't help a lot of people, I need to start keeping track of my progress for me. I'm hoping that by putting things out into the world I will be able to figure out what I want out of life and hold myself accountable for my actions and decisions to get me to a point where everyday isn't a struggle to feel worth something.

Now that I have said all of that, here are some of my goals for the remaining half of this year.

• Pay off one of my two credit cards entirely and keep my other one in check to keep building my credit up.
• Take a trip to the East Coast in August. I would also like to visit my friend in October out in Vegas, but with trying to pay off bills, I don't really see that one happening.
• Get back into running and run at least 2 days per week and lift at least 1 to 2 days a week depending on how much start running. Hopefully this will also increase at the start of the year after I've gotten into a good rhythm and my body can keep up.
• Write a blog post at least once a month. Possibly bi-weekly, but I'll settle for monthly.
• STREAM. I constantly talk about hating how little I stream and how mad I am at myself for never setting a schedule. The next point will hopefully help with this.
• New job. I'm not necessarily trying to leave the company that I am with right now, but I am looking to move around inside of it. There are a few spots that might be opening up with a much more consistent schedule and I need that right now. If I'm not able to get into either of those spots I may honestly have to start looking into something new.

Before I go, here are some of the things that have made me want to improve myself over the last few years.

• https://www.amazon.com/Nerdist-Way-Reach-Next-Level/dp/1511364483
  So this was something I read as I was leaving high school because I listened to the Nerdist podcast a lot. I don't necessarily like the format he sets for self improvement, but the stories and knowledge found inside have helped a lot.
• https://open.spotify.com/show/6kAsbP8pxwaU2kPibKTuHE?si=YaEvnQsuRyu1jBpP2pHJJw
  Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard really dives deep into depression and addiction and its amazing to hear stories told with such truth. He doesn't try to hide his mistakes and honestly takes pride in them because he knows that he is a much better person now. It gives me hope that someday I'll understand myself better and will feel more confident in all of my decisions.
• https://open.spotify.com/show/6Q5Cn2tO2yeCdJt4Bq88zS?si=U-SrEonFRaG2FVljz-L-Aw
  Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum is another show that goes deep into depression and mental instability. He talks a great deal in most of the episodes about how nervous and scared he was and still is to show his emotions and sadness and that he thought depression was a weakness that shouldn't be shared with the world. This is something that the media tells us on a daily basis, and his friends are joining him on the podcast and telling their stories to help the world see that you shouldn't be ashamed of your mental health issues. We need to talk about that to improve and figure out how we can get help.
• There are a lot of movies, shows, and music that have helped and maybe I'll go more into them sometime, but for now I just want to say thank you to all of my friends that help get me through on a day to day basis. I have lost a lot of friends over the years and getting out of my hometown has really shown me who my real friends are. I wouldn't be able to keep going without you.

Thank you to anyone who reads this and stay tuned for more updates.