Life Is Good

The last week or so has been very eventful. I feel like every day is going by slowly, yet the week has flown by as a whole. Everything seems to be going forward in my life and it kind of scares me. This is usually the part where I try to ruin everything and sabotage myself. Now, don't get me wrong, there are mistakes I'm making to pull me down, but it isn't the same. I catch myself getting into bad behaviors and trying to avoid things. The bright side to this is that I'm noticing and improving. A year or two ago I would have gotten too nervous to go for the promotion. An application would still be a draft and someone else would be taking over the position on Sunday, but instead, I talked to the people around me and worked with the leaders in my store to get me that job. I'm growing, not just in my career, but as a whole person. For years, I have put off telling my family about my sexuality because it felt easier to ignore it. My love life suffers because I get so scared of saying the wrong thing, that I clam up and say nothing. Communication has been my biggest improvement over the last year. It is truly amazing what you can do by just being honest with people and talking.

My co-worker and I were both going for the same promotion and normally this would have been something that would have held me off from applying. Even if I did apply, I would be too scared to be confident in myself. She is an incredible person and would also be great for the job, but I honestly felt that putting me in the role is best for the store. Losing out on a job to someone you know and work close to daily isn't easy, but this was another situation where we were very honest with each other about how we felt and talked about the fact that we were both trying for it. If I wasn't open and comfortable to talk about these things, I would not have gotten the job. Being open has created so many more doorways and made me realize that so many of us go through the exact same things. Even some of the weirder things that we think or do are done by the people that we see almost every day.

There are so many things that I keep saying I'll talk about and have plans to actually go into more detail with, but never seem to actually post. This is another one of those things. I'd like to get into just how much talking about what you are thinking or feeling helps in a relationship, but my experience with that has been rather minimal. In the future, there will be a discussion on my failed communication skills, within relationships, but this time it's a somewhat success story. For now, I'm not actually dating anyone, but the closest I have come in a couple of years is all because of just being honest. She lives quite a ways away so we don't really get to see each other. This is one of the big reasons we aren't trying to date. We started to talk a lot and it was nice to just be free to say what I wanted to. Plenty of time, there is still the fear of trying to come up with something to say because I don't want to sound boring or I just don't know what is the right thing to say, but when the words finally come out, it never seems to be wrong. A perfect example of this is from last night. So something quickly that should be explained is that she doesn't always respond right away, sometimes for a few days. It can be a little frustrating, but honestly, it is healthy for me right now. I get overly obsessed and talk too much. This isn't good for a relationship, especially just starting out. In the past, my response to her lack of would have been anger and annoyance. If I'm overly nervous about a response I'll get annoyed or frustrated, but as soon as the message comes back to me I know there was no reason to worry. Part of what doesn't bother me about her lack of response is that she doesn't read the messages. There will be days where she won't read a message, but once she does, she talks back. Last week, we talked about going on a date whenever I can find the time to drive out to her, and the conversation went over really well. From here, I kept trying to not go overboard and we started to try and plan out a time frame. This is something that was supposed to be fairly nonchalant, but I kept trying to move the date up closer and closer. She didn't say anything against this, but I messaged her last night apologizing for rushing it up more and more. Normally, I either wouldn't have sent that message for fear of being too much. If I did send it, I would panic and send message after message until she responds. Just knowing that I don't have to hide who I am, and can show her that I'm trying to grow as a person without it being a problem or me acting like a psycho makes me extremely happy and keeps me confident that I'm moving towards a better me.

A little quick update on some of the other lighter aspects in my life though. I haven't really been eating out much, with the exception of Applebee's for all you can eat chicken tenders with my friend, and a 50 some dollar meal at Outback to celebrate my one of my co-workers getting a promotion and myself getting one. There are some frozen vegetable meals that you can cook up in the microwave easily that I have been bringing to work, for my lunch. Most nights, supper has been a chicken breast and some veggies. I'm thinking I may try to start getting up earlier to cook breakfast as well, now that I have a set schedule it should be a bit easier to plan things out. Lately, I have been playing League of Legends again, and there is a little concern that maybe I'm playing too much. That is something to keep in check but overall hasn't been too terrible yet. The major thing that needs to be worked on is exercise and I haven't really made a plan of attack for that yet. Hopefully putting it in here will help kick me into the gym, but I'd like to get started on running again by the 1st of August. Lastly, and this will probably kick back in more around September, mostly because I should probably not try to overdo things, is streaming! Well holy shit guys, I think we have come to a solid ending.

As always, thanks for reading and have a great night!

P.S. I might finish a Rubik's cube entirely without help tomorrow. We shall see!